The Garlic Guys – Q&A
Can garlic ward off vampires?
Yes! One of garlic’s most widely regarded benefits – the anti-vampiric properties of our cloves – have been well-documented. It is a proven fact that, as sufferers of porphyric hemophilia, vampires require the red blood cells of healthy humans (and occasionally livestock) in order to survive. It is also well known, that the World Federation of Hemophilia has warned that garlic in large quantities can cause excessive hemorrhaging. But given the weakened state of the vampiric circulatory system (as evidenced by their ashen complexion), even a small amount of garlic would prove deadly to any vampire directly exposed to it.
Vampires are well aware of this danger and are known to take great care in preventing their own demise, by circuitously avoiding homes, establishments and persons that are heavily laden with garlic. So hurry round and get your garlic now – before it’s too late!
Does garlic offer health benefits?
Does it ever! Garlic has been shown through various studies to reduce the risk of the common cold, to lower blood pressure, and cholesterol, and to lessen the general risk of heart disease. The antioxidants it contains may even help to prevent Alzheimer’s and dementia.
Will Chesnok Red give me superpowers?
Sadly, no. While Chesnok Red will provide your cooking with unparalleled garlic flavor, if it’s superpowers you’re after, you’d best look elsewhere. Some common techniques for acquiring superpowers include: getting bitten by a radioactive spider, exposing yourself to deadly levels of gamma radiation, or being born on the planet Krypton.
NOTE: The listing of these techniques on this site should in no way be considered an endorsement or an encouragement to pursue such crazy and inadvisable ideas. After all, the experts agree that the most common mutation resulting from exposure to massive amounts of radiation is death.
What is the difference between Softneck garlic and Hardneck garlic?
Just remember this. Softnecks are for sissies.
Whoa there, sorry. Ryan stole the keyboard for a minute. Can’t really blame him though. You see, one of the big practical differences between the Softneck and Hardneck varieties is that Softnecks can be planted with machines. This obviously makes the planting process a lot easier, and as a result, Softnecks account for almost all of the garlic sold in supermarkets.
Hardnecks, by comparison, are much harder to plant, with each seed requiring manual planting to ensure the right side faces up. This tends to relegate Hardnecks to family farms and farmer’s markets.
Beyond ease of planting, Softneck garlic also tends to have a longer shelf-life than Hardnecks, but Hardnecks tend to yield a wider variety of subtle flavor differences that vary based on climate and soil composition and are widely prized for that reason.
If you’re wanting to grow some garlic yourself, Hardnecks due tend to be hardier than Softnecks, and they’re generally more tolerant of harsh winter seasons.
How long will garlic keep before it goes bad?
Short answer? It depends…
Okay, so you’re probably looking for more detailed information than that. Once a garlic bulb is peeled and broken, the cloves will last roughly a week to a week and a half if not refrigerated. But as long as the bulb remains unpeeled and unbroken, garlic will keep for anywhere from 3 to 6 months after curing if kept in a dry environment. If frozen, garlic can keep for up to 9-12 months.
“But, wait!” you cry. “Couldn’t freezing harm my precious garlic?” Well, again, it depends. If you’re looking to eat it raw, garlic that’s been frozen will lack the nice crunch of a fresh clove. If, however, you’re looking to cook with it, your garlic will retain most of its flavor even after being frozen.
Will garlic give me bad breath?
Yes, indeed it will.
Garlic packs a halitosis-inducing double whammy. First, the sulfuric compounds contained within the garlic don’t do your breath any favors (specifically allyl methyl sulfide for those of you that didn’t fall asleep in high school chemistry). After digestion, this compound leaves the body through the pores and even the air that fills your lungs. The bad news here? You can brush your teeth for an hour and rinse with enough mouthwash to refill the Aral Sea, but your wife still won’t want to kiss you. (Chris found this out the hard way).
The second-way garlic packs its pungent punch is through stimulating the growth of the natural bacteria that are already in your mouth causing bad breath.
Bottom line, if you’re hoping for the night to take a romantic turn, you’d best avoid garlic-heavy cuisine. On the other hand, if you’re trying to avoid having to kiss your Great Aunt Myrtle, then click here. We’ve gotcha covered.
How should I store garlic?
Definitely not in oil. Not sure why you would want to store garlic in oil, but if you felt so compelled, just know that it can quickly lead to botulism. Which could lead to death. Which could be a major bummer for your family and friends.
Store your garlic in a cool, dry environment, and keep it away from direct sunlight. The fresher your garlic, the better your culinary (and medical) experience is likely to be. If you expect it to be a while before you use it, refrigeration or freezing are going to be your safest bets.
Your garlic should always be firm and sprout-less. If it’s getting soft around the midsection and starting to sprout little hairs in odd places like your Uncle Frank, it’s probably time to throw it out.
Where is garlic grown?
It may actually be easier to rephrase the question. Where doesn’t garlic grow? While native to Central Asia, garlic has been hanging out in the Mediterranean for just shy of forever, and has long been expatriated to Africa, Europe, Asia, North America, South America, and Australia. Despite many varieties faring well in the cold, the one place garlic doesn’t seem to do well is Antarctica. The jury’s still out on whether this is do to the average Antarctic summer temperature being below freezing, or the Penguin Union’s perennial ban on garlic in their grocery stores.
It’s a long story…